Minutes to midnight and I thought it was a good time to just evaluate. Probably not the last time I look back on certain things but life will catch up with me and I’ll have to keep up if I don’t wanna be left behind.
Nothing special yesterday. Family get together so it was different to last year. Post was suppose to be published yesterday but sadly, I spent the last few seconds of the old year trying to fix the internet-_-“ So most of this is past tense.
Throughout the year there’s been lots happening. I’ve had spans of endless happiness and never-ending moments of brokenness. This year has brought me through adventure after adventure; mountain after mountain, disaster after disaster. Most of the time I was never alone and I thank God for that. He was always there even though at time I didn’t want him to be and he made sure I lived through to this very second. There’s a few things which I though he was tryin’ to tell me, and trying to get my attention was hard me thinks. It’s probably why the times I crashed it was where he was trying to beat me to my senses.
One of the things I feel like God’s tryin’ to tell me is to think about where he is in my life. How important is he? Where does he stand? Is he below my friends and family? Not any higher than my loved ones? Can I put him before everything else? can I sacrifice the things that are close to my heart? It’s a tough cookie and it’s one of the things that dawned on me when I fell. It feels like a test. He takes away that special belonging and sees whether you’ll be able to survive. How faithfully are you? Can you trust me? It’s not always a matter of examination but if it God’s will, it’s definitely for the better.
The last few months of this year has been pretty hazy. I’ve been pretty blind and now with my vision back it’s still the same. I’m not lost. I’m just don’t know where to go me thinks. I not searching for happiness though I know Im not as satisfied. I was so blind I never saw that hole in the ground. And WHAM! I fall in. stuck there for a while then I crawl out. I’m on my feet again but that drop has shaken me up and now it feels different. Things have changed and it’s hard gettin’ use to really. Its feels so old on the inside and refreshingly new on the inside. I guess it’s only typical. I remember saying it feels like it’s getting easier and I thanked God for that. Yet it feels so difficult and I think maybe it’s just me to blame.
I always considered the fact that there are worse people in worse conditions out there. My life is way better that those in wars, famine, poverty or epidemics. That I say, What makes me any better than they are? We’re all the same boat. Some people weigh the boat down more than other but we’re all in this together. There are worse people out there, and I don’t want to change my feelings in a blink of an eye. I’d be no better. I can’t simply throw away and I won’t. I’d rather start again. After all, it is a new year.
So, On behalf on hiddengangs, I’d like to wish y’all a HAPPY NEW YEAR! May yours’ be full of exciting journeys, wonderful moments, memorable times and full of blessings! May God see you through it all. Stay near to him and I can guarantee you, his presence will be felt.
Haha I can hear the fireworks! Happy new year once again.
Never in my whole life, have I ever felt such an urgency to escape. Nothing’s chasing me; but I want to run. You know it’s not so much of what people say and see, it’s more of me. Everything else just adds on the weight, forcing me to run. They say it never helps, but personally I think it will. The only thing I’m scared of is when I finally leave, I suddenly want to stay, all because of the same reason that pushes me to go.
Do I really have to surrender?
Jingsz.
